Wednesday, December 16, 2009

December Anxiety

This time of year for the rest of my life will be laced with anxiety. Truth is being on bed rest for how long I was when pregnant, leaves you forever altered. You think to much, and are pinned with thoughts of "When the babies come and I can move again I promise to...."
Every emotion is not allowed it's full blossom, because the floor could fall from under us at any time. Even now at Christmas I feel a hesitation to fully rejoice. So odd, but I think it's what "luck" feels like, or magically receive a miracle. It's the idea how quickly it was given it can be taken away.
What a lost opportunity to live what few get to live right?! This is why this year I have decided to truly feel " Lucky." Because almost 3 years ago I was lying in a bed praying to make it to Christmas.....and we did! And we followed it by flying right into January!
I never post prego shots of me because there aren't alot of me standing up...so behold the mother load..(people try to tell me I wasn't big...I was biiiggg trust me) Brent called me a "orange on tooth picks," lovely Brent.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

you look darling......

XO
Kirsten

skt said...

I was bigger than that with one. You had four. No way at all you could've thought yourself big.

Annie said...

Autumn, it is a miracle that you had those darling boys... You are a incredible I think it proves official now that I saw that pic. I never quite understood how you fit all them in that tiny body of yours.

Anonymous said...

You are gorgeous so it didn't matter how big your stomach was! Your boys are adorable.